Hello, I didnt feel like talking about my holiday yesterday, I was so shocked about Boxer Rex.

I had some very good times in Australia but a lot of it was quite bad, we had a few problems with family, seem so insignificant now compared to this.

Yes thanks Cyn I have Kellys email address, sent her one yesterday.

I just cant believe hes gone, its weird, we will never be able to talk to him again, I kept in touch with him occasionally by email, I liked to know how he was doing and sometimetimes tried to keep his spirits up and we talked about what he should do after he lost his job. He emailed me now and again to ask how things were in Scotland and what I had been up to.

We always got on well but more and more he started saying he wasnt able to talk to us for a while and he would be depressed for a few months if his tablets werent working then he would come back but he was never right, he was never ok.

I am annoyed at him for what hes done but deep down I know it wasnt his fault, he must have had clinical depression which i think is an illness like any other. Maybe it ran in his family or something, he mentioned something about that once. Its not something he could do anything about. He wanted to be there for his kids, thought cos of his pain he wasnt good enough but I told him to be there for them, talk to them and enjoy the things he could do with them instead of stressing about the things he couldnt.

I feel so bad for the family, his wife and kids especially are never ever going to get over this. He might have thought he was messed up, well at least his dad didnt kill himself. God knows what kind of screwed up life those poor kids are going to have now. He must have just felt so bad that even knowing all that he still did it. I wish I had known, wish I could have done something. He must have been going through hell. Its just people here threaten to do that all the time and they are just letting off steam, they dont actually do it.

...Lynne