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I'm getting an early start!

Author	Comment
Pariah	I'm getting an early start!	Lead	[-]
OCPM - 100 Club Posts: 134 (07/18/08 06:06:35) OCPM Newbie Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None I woke up early this am... too early. Dreaming for once a good one about my mom and not the usual nightmare. Despite all the crap I miss 'em... esp my dad. It has been sooo many years... sigh. Boy, I am getting an early start with the fall funk! With the fog and cool air this morning it FEELS like fall. Fall is such a time of transitions and a time of beginnings... of introspection. I always FEEL older in fall (gee, cuz I AM????). Darn. Maybe I'll go watch the news and see all the human misery and the people stuck in morning traffic so I can see what a BLESSED life I lead. Sorry for my absence here -- bet U can tell why, huh?
scroogerocks	Welcome back P...	#1	[-]
OCPM Hall of Fame Member Posts: 6863 (07/18/08 10:09:17) OCPM Hall of Fame Member&OCPM Forum Host Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Good ta see ya, been wonderin where ya been but wasn't sure when it was that you left and I didn't want to appear as tho I didn't know what 3 weeks was...but the cats outta the bag now eh?. So sorry to hear that your having your "Fall Funk" in the midst of summer, that can't be a good thing. I certainly hope that things begin to pick up for you and yours very soon. So how was the "trip"? How'd the daughter do? Did she enjoy it? Did she get a lot out of it? So many questions, so few answers!! Sorry to be so annoying already on your first day back here on the board but I live for knowledge. Actually I was thinking of the two of you and hoping that she fared well there rather then have a not so good time. I can certainly relate to the funk thing. Well perhaps I haven't achieved full funk status yet, its more like I'm living in a dream and this CAN'T be happening!!! Almost to the point where I want to sell tickets so that everyone can see that Yes, Indeed, This IS My Life!! The other evening I couldn't sleep so I sat in my chair here and did up a PRO & CON list. Of my life of course. Well, the CON's won by a huge majority and I realized that for every one pro in my life I have an average of 11 con's. Then I sat there pondering on were the pro's good enough to conquer the vast majority? And then it hit me....it don't matter cuz ain't nuttin I can do bout it anyways!!!! All this latest crap that's been brewing within this battered old mind makes the things that use to push me in the pit seem petty. There is nothing petty about finances (or the lack thereof), pain, pressure, and the stupid people we have to deal with every single day...but for some reason this latest "slam" has hit me pretty gosh darned hard. Perhaps its the lack of sleep, or maybe just the bad attitude I have and the chip I carry on my shoulder....Who knows what it is but I hope it hurries up and passes so I can get back to reality and maybe....just maybe....slap a smile on my face for a while and carry on like nothing is ever wrong. Hopefully you'll be up for a chat tomorrow P, maybe I can find some funnies to wipe that frown up side down!!! Until then, take care of yourself!!!
Pariah	stuff, stuffy, stuuuff	#2	[-]
OCPM - 100 Club Posts: 135 (07/18/08 18:58:15) OCPM Newbie Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well, we been back for a week now... I'm past the "SOOOO DANGED GLAD TO BE HOME!!!" stage. Dang, I hate cities... traffic, NOISE... but most of all the ATTITUDE! (to say nothing of the pollution!!!) Such pretentious snobbery... and SOOOO much aftershave! GUK! I've seen too many tacky turkeys... too many "slick dudes" that don't know how to wear a hat, or what a belt is for... how to drive and what constitutes "transportation" Makes me wonder what lack they are tryin' to compensate for?? And for that matter, the gals don't seem to be put off by a wedding band. WEIRD, weird, weird! Well, it was an adventure in many ways... the last week we went home for Independance weekend... only to arrive back at the apt. to find a "three-day, pay-or-get-out" notice that took all of the last week to unravel. It all turned out but it soured it big time for me. I was having a "great" time with forced relaxation, NO TV no internet... just a stack of books and a total gym. I worked out daily, walked every day and read and wrote a LOT. On the other hand, my daughter had a great time and learned a TON. We really had a fine time, with lots of treats and a lot of time together. We just got back from going out to visit her ballet teacher that sent her to the summer intensive. We had a great visit with her and it was nice to be able to give her a thank you gift and visit. She really appreciated it, as she just had surgery on her foot and is BORED! We included with her gift a few "coupons" good for stuff like meals and help around the house. It was really a nice get away for us as well -- re-entry is always hard! Well, go to go feed the masses be well john
Pariah	Stuuuuuuf	#3	[-]
OCPM - 100 Club Posts: 136 (07/18/08 22:46:17) OCPM Newbie Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well, I can relate to the balance sheet thing, Traci -- I really can. I got so many hurts that even the "good stuff" my dear says to me just reminds me of hurts and history. I look around and SHOULD be bubbling with blessings... but too many dreams turned to rust and dust. It is pathetic that I don't have ANY operating budget or help at all, but yet I'm supposed to "grow our food". You'd think I'd have at least a small greenhouse and potting shed or at least running water in my garden... fences perhaps. BUT no! We just got the phone call from the bank today that they cannot give us a better deal, so no refi -- therefore no finish the house... therefore there sits the swimspa under a tarp and there is a door from our bathroom that leads to nowhere. But I'm a big, selfish baby for not just working on it and getting it going "as is" -- with what -- the $20/ month I "get"???. It is on the exposed side of our house and with the public trail at the end of our drive we get a few folks that just drive up and act like they are in the wilderness, letting their dogs run and yakking like idiots with cell phones at the movies ("Duh, hey lookit th' feller inna big hot tub! I woner why he ain gon no gurudge ovveritt?")... and the wind blows on that end of the house. I sure ain't gonna do ANYthing with it. If it were darned nearly anywhere else on the property... maybe! It is a matter of principle and pride (and yes, I'm being an ass about it). I HAD the $$, had drawn up the plans, permits everything -- poof her daycare dreams vanished that one. So, I had been waiting for the bank, we have a ton of equity, GOOD credit, good cash flow (I'm even still pullin' in $600/ mo. on a house I sold years ago). So, I guess I will hafta rent the house next door out in order to make the $$. It is gonna take me YEARS to get anywhere at that rate, but we refuse more debt. Geeze listen to me snivel willya? I could buy a damaged repo house here FOR A SONG... and I could fix it and sell it and have my own $$$ again... but where do I get the "seed money" from??? I'm a talented remodeler and SHOULD be buying and fixing like MAD tight now!! Whattta stoopid sap!!! I'm sore and cranky from my current "abs of steel" program -- split about a cord of wood yesterday and one the day before... took today off -- back on tomorrow... all while managing the house and the kids and the garden. Somehow I gotta empty out the old house and get it rentable before Sept. AND keep up with all my "regular" duties. Ya, wifey wonders why I ain't got an ounce of fat on me I'm glad your mom is doing a bit better!! Keep the good news comin' and above all -- keep smilin' (it makes 'em wonder what you know that they DON'T!) Last Edited By: Pariah 07/18/08 22:50:21. Edited 1 times.
scroogerocks	Me again P...	#4	[-]
OCPM Hall of Fame Member Posts: 6866 (07/20/08 02:00:09) OCPM Hall of Fame Member&OCPM Forum Host Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I just wanted to re-iterate to you John that the main purpose for this board is so that we do have a place to come and unload when we need to. So please, never apologize for having a moment (or, if like me, an entire day) where getting things off of your chest and out of your system. It does help, more then words could express...or at least be expressed by me!! And if that means you must come back here fifty thousand times a day to get things off of your chest, then by all means please feel free to do so. Never, ever feel as tho you cannot come here to vent about anything at all or as often as you feel the need. Life with chronic pain is difficult enough, when we add to that all the everyday frustrations of things we can't do but we use to be able to do it with the greatest of ease, and just everything else...I'm quite certain that everyone here understands what I'm saying. But never feel as tho you've "over vented" because that isn't even a word so how could anyone do it??? I won't go on becuz you know its all good, you are more then just welcome here. If venting were illegal here I'da been arrested a long, long time ago!! They probably wanted to, and more then likely even tried, but it just wasn't meant to be...just like me winning the lottery!! hehehe
Pariah	I know...	#5	[-]
OCPM - 100 Club Posts: 139 (07/20/08 22:31:16) OCPM Newbie Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yeah, I know. I just HATE that I'm STILL stuck here in the same cr@p and see no way out of it! I am just so stuck and sick of the feelings that just fester and increase. I just really find it so demeaning and discouraging. There are not many guys (none that I know) that have as little freedom and choice. One buddy owns guns and hunting gear. Yeah, another one almost lost his marriage over the same stuff, but he gets to go hunting for WEEKS each year. I can't even remember the last time I went fishing. I don't have any friends left! I don't own even a cheap trout pole... not one gun... no motorcycle or any such nonsense. I don't want any of that -- BUT it would be soooo nice to have the power to be able to do some basic stuff here (and I am talking about planting fruit trees, not man-toys or foolishness). I'd love to build fences and a barn and be able to raise our own meat and milk -- stuff like that! I am sooooo stuck. So I will press on and act content and happy... 'cuz it is all I can do
scroogerocks	Hey P...	#6	[-]
OCPM Hall of Fame Member Posts: 6867 (07/21/08 20:36:37) OCPM Hall of Fame Member&OCPM Forum Host Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I know exactly what you are saying, believe me. I soooo understand!!! And its sad that anyone has to feel that way, AND that anyone has to understand how that feels even!!! I know cyber friends are like REAL friends, but you have friends my dear, you have many, many friends. If you wanna go hunting I'll take ya but I have to forewarn you it may not be a wise thing to put any type of firearm in my hands!!! But hey, if yer willin...I'm all for it!! Seriously tho, I think the fishin thing would work a lot better. We were seriously going to go out that way while my husband was off work but with mom being sick it just isn't possible. It's been over 4 months now and she is no better today then she was when this all started. I'm so disgusted, not at her of course but at the entire medical profession. She was feelin pretty good this morning and she had an appt. for some tests. She said afterwards she'd like to go get some groceries and she just had this list of a few places she wanted to go to because she was feeling good. Still dizzy, unbalanced, and walkin like a drunk but was so glad to be outside in the real world rather then stuck in the lower level of her home. Unfortunately by the time the first test was over she was more then ready to go home. She could barely walk at all, the drunken stupor was wonderful compared to how she was by the time we left that place. So after I got her home and tucked in I went to the stores that she wanted to go to and got the things she wanted. After that we had to pick up our car, then over to mom's to drop off her stuff, then home to drop off our stuff, then back out to get the stuff I needed at another store (where its much much cheaper) then to the ER for my "spider bite" (which by the way is doing good outside of a little infection. Doc said it was a good thing I drained it like I had been for the past couple days otherwise they would have to do it and they aren't as kind about it as I would be on myself), got an antibiotic prescription, then home and by that time it was after 11:00. I have been runnin since 9 a.m. and am extremely exhausted and I am not looking forward to tomorrow!!! It's a day of the pretty much the same...I'm too old for this stuff. When I turned on my puter I had an email from a very dear friend that I hadn't heard from in a long, long time. He informed me that he has leukemia. He has tried two different types of treatment that haven't worked for him, he has one option left, if that doesn't work then he is screwed. I am so upset over this. He is a fellow painer, really great guy...has a lovely wife, 2 sons, its just not fair. I try very hard to hang on to my faith, even tho I smoke, drink occasionally, & talk like a sailor, I do believe in God. It may not be the same God as others, but it is what I have been raised with, and what I believe (or think I believe). In times like this I can't help but doubt everything about my faith which is basically pretty much everything about me. I try to live according to my beliefs, I try to set examples according to my beliefs...but everytime someone good gets knocked down and kicked in the head I can't help but wonder WHY??? WHY??? SO many questions, no answers. Why do good people get screwed basically?? I know people that have tons of money and they are mean, evil and wouldn't do a damn thing for anybody if it didn't benefit them...and I know people such as yourself P, who would do anything for anyone...where's the sense in that??? Who should have money and who shouldn't? It's not right, it's just not right and I should probably just end this for now because I'm really not in a very uplifting state of mind here. No this P, you have friends...and if there is anything we can do for you...you just hollar cuz we'll "git er dun". And I'm just so sorry that your life has to be so difficult, if I could have one wish it would be that all my friends have just one week of "the good life". Be able to do what they want, when they want, no matter what. Guess I better start rubbin them bottles!!! Take care my friend, it'll get better. I don't know when or how, but I do know it will.
Pariah	Thanks!	#7	[-]
OCPM - 100 Club Posts: 140 (07/23/08 09:22:14) OCPM Newbie Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks, friend! I did not mean that I had NO friends... just not the kidnap ya fer a day, let's go fishin'... or "out with the guys" type. I know I have long-distance friends. Yah, I am the type that cries watching the news... and I want to GIVE, y'know? I just entered a contest to "win" $100,000. by writing a "someday" story. I wrote that I want to start a "teen jam center" that would be a fully-equipped music studio where teens could connect with retired volunteers and learn about music, form bands and cut demo tapes. The idea being that we could save a few from a life of thinking no one cares... a life of drugs and hopelessness. I do kinda hope that they see my own need as well (I did mention it ). I'm GLAD you got that bite checked out!!! I'm sorry you have been goin' round with your mom's care... and sorry to hear of your friend's lukemia -- that suks! We just went to a dear friend's service... she never complained and I wish I had her faith. Truth is I am mad as hell at God for all the cr@p -- even if it is our own damned fault. But I find it hard to beleive any of us did anything to deserve pain. (gee it would be funny iffen thet there carp-ola link actually WENT somewhere -- I find it hilarious that it gets auto-hyperlinked. Ya, duh 'puter iss schmarter den me... sure, yewbettcha!) Well, thank you for the Sat. chat it was a hoot! j

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